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Post by Ivykins on May 8, 2008 8:23:11 GMT 9
Name: Ivy Gender: Female Age: Books: All of 'em RP Sample: Maplestar lay in her warm den thinking, thinking of her long gone past, she missed her family grievously. She hadn't known her mother very much but her father is the one she missed if he'd let her go to that war she could've protected him but nooo, you have to stay her in camp, she repeated the words they told her long ago. Maplestar shook her head to clear the the memory and finally padded out her den and walked to fresh-kill pile nodded Good morning to everyone on her way. She picked out a small mouse not willing to be greedy.
She finished her mouse in four ravenous bites and padded under a shaded tree watching her wonderful Clan stir happily, peacefully. But will the peace last any longer? " Oh StarClan, may you leave the peace last forever? It's so wonderfull like this; without worrying about." She supressed a heavy sigh and padded into her den. Other: I just made a random PR sample.
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Post by ♫ admin on Jun 7, 2008 1:51:30 GMT 9
ยบ I'm sorry, but your sample needs some work >.< Revision and editing wouldn't hurt, and it's sort of hard to follow--you have many run-on sentences, as well as incomplete ones.
So welcome all you bright young ladies. You're checking into Hotel Hades! I won't stand by while critics praise ya You're getting shipped to South East Asia! [/i][/size]
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