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Post by Blazeheart on May 28, 2008 0:53:22 GMT 9
Name: Blazeheart Gender: Male Age: 16 Books: all of them (waiting for outcast!) RP Sample: Blazeheart waited. The smell of mouse flooded into his senses. He wasn't the best hunter, he was more of a fighter. His ears priked as he heard tiny feet trudging under the covering vegitation. This time he could catch it. He held back his instincts to pounce untill the auburn head poked out of the fern. Claws unsheathd, teeth bore, he flung himself. Quickly and cleanly he killed the mouse with a short snap of the spine. The sun was setting and he had better get back to camp. It took him awile to find the prey he had buried, but once he collected it at he headed back. He dropped his kills when the fresh scent of fox filled his lungs. He darted up a nearby tree. Giving much effort to climb the towering oak. One lone fox had trotted up to the prey he had just dropped. If took a bite of once of the mice Blazeheart had caught. This made him angry, he had just spent all afternoon catching those and now some fox was going to eat them? He didnt think so. He leapt from the tree and dug his claws deep into the fur of the fox, It tried to wiggle out of blazeclaw strong grip but he was too powerfull. He unlatched one of his claws and gave the fox a good wound to remember. Other: He is more headstrong that swift, and will put the needs of the clan first. Even if it means to be disloyal to his firends.
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Post by ♫ admin on Jun 7, 2008 1:56:05 GMT 9
ยบ I'm really sorry, but unfortunately your writing isn't quite at the level we'd like >.< It's a little flat--that is to say, it doesn't have much description, and rushes through things that could be looked at more in-depth--and there are several grammar mistakes, as well as sentence fragments that don't really work stylistically. >.< Sorry.
So welcome all you bright young ladies. You're checking into Hotel Hades! I won't stand by while critics praise ya You're getting shipped to South East Asia! [/i][/size]
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